Stop Being a Slut, You Stupid Whore

Did you hear? Black Widow is a slut! It’s true! There are rumors of her sleeping with four of the six men she works with, who also happen to be the only men she ever interacts with. Did you hear that? Rumors about four different guys at different times! What a worthless tramp!

That legitimately was Jeremy Renner’s argument, which he apologized for, then repeated, thus negating the apology. Good one, Hawkeye. Nevermind the fact that if she did sleep with all four men (yourself included) the timeline of all the movies implies that you cheated on your wife and then repeatedly brought the other woman to your house, throwing your infidelity in your wife’s face. So clearly Natasha is a whore for choosing not to be completely celibate while you remain the good hearted family man who forced his wife to be friends with his mistress.

The problem isn’t just with Jeremy Renner, but is one endemic to our entire culture. A girl who has sex before a certain age is a slut. A porn star is a hussy. A woman who has had sex with more than a certain number of partners is a floozy. A feminist is either a dyke or a whore.

We raise girls teaching them that without a man they are worthless, and that the be-all-end-all goal of their life should be to find some man, any man, who will put up with them. We teach them that all men want is sex, and to catch a man you have to put out and trick him into tolerating your personality. Then the moment you put out you’re a slut. The male pornographic fantasy is of being able to get any and every woman, but once that woman is gettable she is either easily forgotten or a total slut. A woman who puts out has daddy issues. A woman who puts out was abused as a child. A woman who puts out is damaged and disposable, crazy. Yet there is no word for a male slut. Men can have as much sex as they want, as casually as they care to with no repercussions. It’s expected of them and denied to us. There’s no such thing as a well-adjusted woman who has a lot of sex. Why would a sane woman participate in sex often? It’s not as though they enjoy it.

Media depictions, from movies to TV to advertisements are most often about women as children, sexual objects or homemakers, and sometimes more than one. Don’t believe me? Take a look at the Bechdel test. Basically the test requires three things of a film: 1) that it have two women with names in it; 2) that they speak to one another; 3) about a topic other than a man. This year so far, 31 out of 80 movies fail the test. Some movies that get a pass only do so because they count an introduction (“You must be Linda Jackson.” “You must be Veronica.” “Yes I am, it’s a pleasure.”) as a conversation. Fifty Shades of Grey passes because two characters have a conversation about graduation.

Another common test to try in order to make yourself hate movie portrayals of women is the sexy lamp test. This one is easy. Could your female character be replaced with a sexy lamp and the resulting film remain unchanged? Shockingly few female characters have agency or affect the plot of films, unless that film is aimed toward women. There is also the Ellen Willis test: if you change the characters genders does the story still make sense, and the Mako Mori test that requires a female character who has a story arc all her own. A shocking number of movies fail these tests when you think about it.

The worst part of the slut-shaming situation is that we, as women, are completely brainwashed by it. Girls and women are FAR MORE likely to call another woman a slut or a whore than a man is, in my experience. I hang out with a lot of dudes, and the word rarely comes up, or is usually used in jokes. Females call other females slut-shaming names frighteningly frequently. Any girl we don’t like is a slut. Any girl who has sex with a guy we like is a harlot. A girl our boyfriend cheats on us with is a tramp, but our boyfriend isn’t. Particularly in high school, any girl who is actually having sex with some measure of frequency (or in many cases at all) is a whore.

I’ve done it.

You’ve done it.

We’ve all done it.

FUCKING ENOUGH.

I declare that I personally, from this day forward, will not use these words to describe ANYONE. Even if, by my standards, a woman is a bit more promiscuous than I’d normally deem appropriate, I’ll still see her as a human being with the right to make her own choices. Even if I think entering the porn industry is a mistake, I will recognize that porn stars have every right to make their own decisions.

I will not judge another person’s sexual decision making. It has nothing to do with me and IS NONE OF MY FUCKING BUSINESS.

And I will also stop calling people whores when it has nothing to do with sex and what I really mean is, “Wow. What a fucking bitch.”

 

Joking.

Not all Women, But a Disappointing Amount

Sometimes you see a beautiful woman from across the bar and feel an immediate pull toward her. You make your way through a crush of bodies, pushed and bumped, trod on and pressed on until finally, at long last, you make it to her side. You don’t know what to say, so you say the easiest thing. “Can I buy you a drink?” She agrees and soon the two of you are chatting away, flirting and laughing, while you fail to notice the longing glances she throws toward another guy, who is ignoring her. Sometimes she blows you off to make a pass at the uninterested man. Sometimes you notice your wallet is empty from buying so many drinks.

Sometimes the girl is interested. You marry her. She decides its over. You prepare to divorce only to find she’s planning to take half the money you earned over your life, in spite of the fact that she made considerably less than you, came to the marriage with nothing, and you’ve only been married two years. Sometimes you lose your shirt.

And then sometimes you see a pretty, cool girl through a mutual friend who declines your offer to buy her a drink, or better yet, buys the second round. She treats you to dinner every once in a while, or fills the car you drive with gas, because you are so often driving her. She wants nothing more than the happiness that your company naturally brings her. You are enough, more than enough, for this girl. You love her. She loves you. Sometimes, you go Dutch on what that love costs.

This is not for the girl who enters relationships in the latter fashion.

It’s for the bitch who does the former. It’s for every dude who’s ever had a girl take advantage of his generosity time and time again, never giving anything of herself (and I don’t necessarily mean sexually). It’s for pretty much every dude, in other words.

Some women seem to believe that their mere presence is a gift a man should pay for in drinks, dinners, movie, flowers, and jewelry, as though there is nothing that must be doled out in return. Every man has been thought cheap when he couldn’t afford a more “suitable” date. It’s society’s fault in a lot of ways, and tradition’s. We say that men should always pay for the date, should take care of his woman by “bringing home the bacon”. Nevermind that this practice began in the days when women rarely or never worked, and lived at home until they married. Nevermind that women now make almost as much as men (yes, I’m aware of the pay disparity, but ladies, you’re still getting paid). Nevermind that the equitable division of the assets was originally conceived of in a time when a woman could hardly earn her own keep and was seen as damaged and used once divorced.

I’m about to (presumptuously) speak on behalf of all dudes, based on things I’ve heard all dudes I know say.

Men don’t have to buy you things just because your face lands somewhere in the realm of pretty-ish. Their money is just that- THEIRS- and they can choose to spend it how they see fit. Yes, plenty of them enjoy or have no problem with buying a drink or dinner from time to time, and they understand that they’re a part of a system. However, that doesn’t entitle you to ask them to hang out and then constantly expect them to foot the bill. Particularly not if you don’t have any real interest in getting to know them as human beings, and couldn’t see yourself falling in love with them, potentially, one day. If he’s just some poor schmuck to you, don’t let him waste his money buying you shit. If you’re not interested, he’s not interested.

On that topic, ENOUGH with hiring lawyers to take money you know they made during a divorce. You should make your own money and should be more than capable of supporting yourself. If you’re not, that’s your fault and your problem, not theirs. If you have kids and you’ll be doing the majority of the parenting, then yes, child support is one thing. But please don’t take the money he was saving for his retirement, or his new car, or a vacation he’d planned to take you on. It’s not yours just because you shared a house and you had sex with him sometimes for X amount of years. Alimony is stupid.

 

Let’s get one thing straight: They’re men, not piggy banks.

Not All Men, But Plenty Of ‘Em

Sometimes you meet a guy in a bar that you’re only moderately interested in, and he plies you with drinks, repeatedly asking you to come home with him and ignoring your denials, quickly moving on to buy you another drink.  You get to a point of drunkenness where you only remember bits and pieces, like saying yes to going to another bar with him, where he tells the waitress not to bring the water you ordered, but to bring you another beer.  Your only concern is getting a cab home, repeatedly telling him that you won’t go back to his place, won’t have sex with him, that you just need to find a cab home.  Sometimes the next thing you know you’re in his apartment.  Sometimes he rapes you.

Then sometimes you get drunk all on your own.  You sit outside the bar throwing up in a patch of dirt, passed out right next to your own mess.  Sometimes the guy you flirted with buys you a Gatorade and sits beside you, petting your hair while you vomit.  Sometimes he walks you home to genuinely make sure you are okay and helps you inside where you proceed to vomit more.  Sometimes, forgetting he is there, you strip off all your clothing because you’re too hot and curl up in the fetal position on your bed with your back to him, completely exposing yourself. Sometimes, assured that you’ll be fine, he leaves without touching you.

This is not for the kind of guy who does the latter.

It’s for the dick that does the former.  It’s for every woman who’s ever dealt with the first kind of douche.  It’s for every woman, in other words.

Some men seem to hold this belief that merely paying attention to a woman they’ve just met earns them something in return, as if their presence is a gift that every woman desires.  Every woman’s been called a tease because she talked to a guy for a few hours and didn’t go home with him, blamed for not doling out a free tour of her genitals to any gentleman who feigns interest in a membership.

I’m about to speak to men on behalf of all women.

I don’t owe you SHIT just because you bought me a drink.  My vagina is fucking priceless, and if it had a price, it would be a lot higher than two vodka tonics.  I didn’t force you to buy me those drinks, and would have been perfectly fine buying them on my own.  They don’t entitle you to my body, and are not a down payment on a blowjob.  If I don’t want to interact with your genitals when, after an hour of shitty conversation you can barely remember my name, I am not a prude.  My pussy is mine, and mine alone, and the choice of what to do with it is likewise mine, and mine alone.

Let’s get one thing straight: It’s my body not your sex toy.